我将论点用汉语写了一下，麻烦老师帮我看看有哪些点没踩到哈 1. 一个学校的例子不能代表一个区的情况 2. 过去的情况不能预示未来状况 3. 时间关系的巧合不等于因果关系 4.两年前使用计算机与退学率立即下降无直接因果关系 5.两年前使用计算机与去年研究成果无直接因果关系

我将论点用汉语写了一下，麻烦老师帮我看看有哪些点没踩到哈 1. 一个学校的例子不能代表一个区的情况 2. 过去的情况不能预示未来状况 3. 时间关系的巧合不等于因果关系 4.两年前使用计算机与退学率立即下降无直接因果关系 5.两年前使用计算机与去年研究成果无直接因果关系

老师请绕我写的说下， 哪儿好那不好，那那 或者哪个重要点应该要写我没写漏了，谢谢。 The passage concludes that school board should spend more to buy more computers and school adopt interactive computer courses throughout the curriculum because one school which adopted computer instruction in three academic subjects has improved its drop rate greatly and its graduates made some impressive achievements. The author believes that interactive computer instruction is the reason that the schools dropout rate declined and its graduates made some impressive achievements, that if the school board allocate more funds and adopt computer instruction throughout the curriculum, the school will have more interactive courses, and that more interactive courses will deliver similar improvements as Nova High school had. However the author omits many important aspects that need to be address to make the argument more convincing, making his argument vulnerable. First off, the author fails to address the connection between a decline in dropout rate and the computer instruction. There are many other reasons that may cause a decline in the dropout rate, such as a decrease in the difficulty of the subjects or a decrease in the education chargers. The author also fail to attribute the impressive achievements to the computer instruction. Second, Even there is a connection between improvements in the school and the use of computer instruction, the author still fails to address if more funding and more throughout adopt computer instruction will make more subjects available in computer forms. The author fails to address if the computer instruction can be applied to the subjects other than the three and if the programs take ages to build, a situation that makes immediate available of more programs at risk. last, the author also fails to address if all subjects will benefit from such computer instruction. Some subject may more suitable to computer instruction than the others and some subject may face negative impact from computer instruction because the knowledge may require extensive practice where one needs to put their hands on.

The author thinks that the interactive computer instruction helped the school reduces their dropout rate, and make their graduates get some impressive achievements in college. The author also suggest all schools to adopt interactive computer instruction. I think the author's opinions have no persuasion. Here is my point of view. First of all, the ineractive computer instruction was only use in three subjects, but the school dropout rate was counted by whole students in this school but that three subjects, so the rate couldn't show the effect by useing ineractive computer instruction. Secound, the editorial did not mentioned any other reason the affect the dropout rate, the ineractive computer instruction may not be the only thing that could affect dropout rate, the economic or poicy can also make some influence. Moreove, the author did not compare the performance of last year's graduates who reported impressive achievements in college and in high school. If the graduate has always got a perfect grade in high school, then the interactive computer instruction would not have too much effects to him. Also, the author did not say that these graduates took the three subject that use interactive computer instruction, so we cannot say there achievements were benefit by the computer instruction. At the last, all school have different conditions, so one school cannot means everthing to others. According to my opinions above, I think the autor's opiots are untenable arguments. 按时间规定写的，后面时间有点不够

老师可不可以帮我看看我写的作文哪里需要改正和我找的错误对不对，是否有遗漏 因为之前也没有关于这道题的录音，所以想看看自己思路是否正确 The argument that in future budgets the school board should use a greater portion of the available funds to buy more computers, and all schools in the district should adopt interactive computer instruction throughout the curriculum omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. The statement that follows the descriptions of what kind of changes happened in Nova high school after school began to use interactive computer instruction and simply describe what is the plan for future about interactive computer instruction. This alone does not constitute a logical argument in favor of the interactive computer instruction, and it certainly does not provide support or proof of the main argument. First, the school will purchase more computer because the school dropout rate declined immediately after they began to use interactive computer instruction does not provide support to argument because is does not means that dropout rate declined is caused by the use of interactive computer instruction. There may has other factors that could affect dropout rate such as better management. Second, last year's graduates have reported some impressive achievements in college after school began to use interactive computer instruction does not provide support to interactive computer instruction because these achievement may not related to interactive computer instruction. Third, passage mentioned that interactive computer instruction will be used in all school in this district may not be a good decision because Nova school is a high school. The success of interactive computer instruction in high school may not be equal to success in other school such as college or primary school. Then, passage mentioned school will use interactive computer instruction for curriculum may not be appropriate because Nova high school only use interactive computer instruction in three academic subjects. So, interactive computer instruction may not be useful for other subject except these three subjects. Last, use greater portion of funds on interactive computer construction may not be a good decision because it may reduce other portion of expense such as management or other important education expense. So, this may increase dropout rate of the school and reduce the education quality of the school. Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not sound or persuasive. If it included the items discussed above instead of solely explaining what is the effect of interactive computer instruction supposedly does, the argument would have been more through and convincing.